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Second Opinion
A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the
doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his
head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't
done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few
moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly.
After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook its head and barked. The veterinarian then took the Labrador
out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had its predecessors, the
cat sadly shook its head and meowed. It then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The veterinarian handed
the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner yelled "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"
The vet
shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the
cat scan........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SOME SUNDAY FUNNIES
After a long illness, a woman died
and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She
saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died
before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her- "Hello" "How are you! We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see
you". When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to
him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You
have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?", the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly
spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to
watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised
to see you", the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died", her husband told
her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the
little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation
and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a
word", the woman told him.
"Which word?", her husband asked.
"Czechoslovakia."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charlie
was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic
priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully,
and sure enough, the blessed horse came in first!
Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again he went
to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played a hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed horse.
Sure enough the blessed horse came in first.
The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races, and
Charlie won $1,000 and decided to bet his life savings, $20,000.
The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie
followed the priest and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put his whole $21,000
bundle of cash on that horse to win. Then Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came, and as they
crossed the finish line, the horse
Charlie's fortune was bet on was dead last!
Charlie was crushed. He located
the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses all day, and they all became winners except the last
horse on which he had bet his life savings.
Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Why
didn't it win like the others?"
"That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest. "You can never tell
the difference between a blessing and the last rites."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly gentleman had
serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor
and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which
the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my
will three times!"
*****************
One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. Daughter answered "Don't be scared,
you'll get your quilt".
Needless to say, mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom
asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming".
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